The color of my parachute

I remembered back during my senior year of  high school in  2010 my Dr Deborah asked me what I want to be in the future or  my dream career  and I  was like. What career? I  have no idea, she then  wrote down  name of a book on a  paper sticker  and  told me  go to the library. the name was "What color is your parachute", She told me it might   give me suggestion  of the career that suits me  I took the  paper sticker  to the library,  handed it to the librarian and she pulled it from a shelf not far from where I was standing. I brought the book home and started scrolling the pages and reading the memes on the pictures  and returned it without even reading one entry or even a title sorry Dr Deb it wasn't as helpful as you thought.

Then I found myself reading romance books completed some and others returned unfinished but as I got a job and had class to attend  I didn't have plenty of  time to read the books and returned them unfinished I wanted my very own books to read them any minute I get  until I  finish them   so  one day I was walking in Target store around the book aisles  to find an interesting story book, after checking few shelves I found Khaled Hosseini's novel " And the mountains echoed". I thought it would be an interesting story I didn't check if it was biography or  novel I assumed it was a biography book and it would be much interesting since the writer's name is a muslim man's name, because I love reading biography those books tell us real events than fictions or novels that are made up and I love reading and learning where  the struggle began, where the journey led them and finally where the victory landed them. Not every story have happy ending meaning no victory at all.

I read the book few pages and it was all novel a made up stories that never existed damn I wasted my $$$$$, I threw it under my bed and I said never mind I'm not going to find a good book for me then all of sudden one bored afternoon as I was sitting on my bed my laptop on my lap I was googling things when I encountered  an article mentioning Ayaan Hersi Ali I have heard of her when I was in Somalia around 2006, I read an article in somali language saying a somali guy vowed to kill Ayaan Hirsi if he sees her. You know what I have a cousin named Ayaan Hirsi but instead of Ali hers is Jama so after I read the article I went to my aunt cousin Ayaan's mother and told her look at this article and read the article for her but didn't explain who is she and why does she deserve to die and later 2009 I saw her on interviews talking about Islamic extremism I was deaf and didn't hear what was said either understood the caption I was new english learner so I don't know what she said or what  the interview was about. But as I read articles from websites or blogs belonged by muslim community I took the wrong side just like most muslims saw her as  a bad person but in fact I was wrong I misjudged because I have not yet read her stories or knew what she went through I just took what was said about her that she is a lair who made up the whole story and traded her faith for profit.

In that boring afternoon I told myself I have to buy one of her books and read it it'll be much interesting to read, I went to Barnes and Noble, bought her first book Infidel  then I found myself falling into the memoirs, went going to the Barnes and Noble  any chance of free times I  purchased 5 female authored  memoirs so far such as.

 Ayaan Hirsi Ali's "Infidel and Nomad". From Islam to America.

Gretchen Berg's "I have Iraq in my shoe". Misadventures of a soldier of fashion.

Zarchuna Kargar's "Dear Zari". The secret lives of the women of Afghanistan.

Geraldine Brooks's "Nine parts of desire". The hidden world of Islamic women. And I'm looking forward of more memoirs, I do much relate with Ayaan's story Well Ayaan's story wasn't only interesting but also it was enlightening how she struggled with the abusive family especially grandmother then the forced marriage, escaping to the Netherlands where she struggled to obtain  residence  then leaving Islam, criticizing it, the death of Theo Van Gogh  who shot the film Submission with her then all of the death threats, and now being in hiding.

We had  much similar upbringings  it means that we were born in same city, we both grew up in nomad/ herds girls, we had much related grandmothers who were always cursing, beating, nagging, praising  the forefathers/bloodlines, who compared us nothing but failures, grannies who favored boys over girls, grannies who violated and controlled our bodies while our mothers were alive especially Ayaan's her mother was there with her for example when Ayaan's grandmother brought a female genital cutter without her daughter's permission and cut Ayaan's genitals as Ayaan mentioned in her book there were arguments between her mother and grandmother about the FGM and then all of sudden her grandmother played the victimization  by claiming that she did the right things for her daughter then left the family all Ayaan's mother could do was convince her mother to come back home as similar to me as a kid  my lower body parts were burned due to unexplained reasons little less than  a decade I told my  mother about it I can't believe nobody told her in those years and the first time mom asked grandma why she did. she lied at first claiming that I climbed a tree, fell down and branch scratched me  but then all she  could do was the victim play, I raised your daughter, I carried her in my back, I fed her and I did everything to make her who she is today. You see she is bigger and stronger than a  mountain but I'm here weak and everyday I grow weaker, I already lost an eye and now I'm losing my leg blaaaaaaaah so our cases were taboos. I acknowledge of what she did for me as a kid and I'm grateful of everything that she carried me on her back, fed me, changed me, bathed me, unbraided,washed,comped,oiled and braided my hair, put me on the camel back when we were moving far distance I'm grateful for everything but all I asked was why she burned my body I had the right to know  because it's my body but then granny changed the  subject by telling   mom that I was running away years and seeking "marehan people" my father's  tribe before her victim playing which made  mom angry to me  and then everything was as if it never happened, we had mothers who Follow the paths of our grands, great grands, great, great grands and so on these and much more are the similarity of our mothers. Ayaan and I both went to Islamic schools and spent most of our times attending madrasas in Somalia although she later moved to Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia and Kenya and now we are both here, being U.S. citizen,  ex-muslims, criticizing Islamic teachings, writing our stories, married out of our culture, being mothers of mixed kids,  having similar dreams of being an activists except  she is already an activist.

Reading Ayaan's book was not easy, I had to hide it from my family, my muslim friends  and from the Islamic and somali communities even one day as I was waiting the bus reading it at the bus stop a dude arrived and noticed that I was reading Ayaan's book  after seeing her image on the front of the paper pack and he asked me if I'm muslim which I replied yes as I was and then he continued and said she is not muslim by gesturing the cut throat sign of slowly crossing his fist with the index finger outstretched on his throat, SHE IS AN INFIDEL DON'T READ HER BOOK, he said I didn't comment as the bus was already here we both got in and I continued reading my book.

Now back to the topic, my parachute doesn't have one color but it have one of my favorite colors and that is writing, since now that I found out I love reading then I want to write. I want to write children's books, biographies,autobiographies, novels, fictions etc and most of all I want to be a creative writer I want to write something that people would love to read starting with my own stories of my upbringings I set up a blog for myself which I'll be writing whatever I have in mind to write even if it's crazy who cares I'm just practicing of writing so it doesn't have to be perfect I don't care I'll just write what I can then make it perfect later when I learn writing.

I now plan to go back to school and take writing classes so I hope it'll help me be the best author.